Friday, March 28, 2008

Only in L.A.


Thursday, March 20, 2008

Drinking is Fun


Late one night a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand new apartment. The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed. “What’s that gong for?” the friend asks him.“It’s not a gong,” the drunk replies. “It’s a talking clock.” “How does it work?” The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, “For God’s sake, you asshole…it’s 3:30 in the goddamn morning!”



A really drunk guy at a party walks up to the host and asks, “Do you have some green toilet paper that says, ‘Fuck you’?”The host, stunned, answers, “Of course I don’t have any green toilet paper that says, ‘Fuck you.’”“Oh, no!” the drunk cries. “I’m really sorry…I think I just wiped my ass with your parrot.”

Saturday, March 15, 2008

The Landlord

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Payeth the Tax Man


If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?


A dad walks into a market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is spinning a quarter in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face and Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.A middle-aged, fairly unnoticeable man in a gray suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.At the sound of the commotion, he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper and places it on the counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the market. Reaching the boy, the man carefully takes hold of the kid's testicles and squeezes gently but firmly.After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the man catches in his free hand. Releasing the boy, the man hands the coin to the father and walks back to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill-effects, the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him saying "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before. It was fantastic! Are you a doctor?""Oh, good heavens, no," the man replies, "I work for the Internal Revenue Service."