Drinking is Fun

Late one night a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand new apartment. The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed. “What’s that gong for?” the friend asks him.“It’s not a gong,” the drunk replies. “It’s a talking clock.” “How does it work?” The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, “For God’s sake, you asshole…it’s 3:30 in the goddamn morning!”



A really drunk guy at a party walks up to the host and asks, “Do you have some green toilet paper that says, ‘Fuck you’?”The host, stunned, answers, “Of course I don’t have any green toilet paper that says, ‘Fuck you.’”“Oh, no!” the drunk cries. “I’m really sorry…I think I just wiped my ass with your parrot.”