Friday, February 15, 2008

Obama Momma

  • "Bill Clinton lashed out at Barack Obama yesterday, he accused him of running a fairy tale campaign. It's a fairy tale in which a horny king tries to get his queen elected to the White House so he can go out and fornicate with maidens, and then a handsome black prince comes along and screws the whole thing up for him. So, you can see why he's very upset." --Jimmy Kimmel
  • "Well, congratulations to Barack Obama, the big winner of the Democratic caucus. Stunning victory. He got 57% of the youth vote, 35% of the female vote, and 100% of Iowa's black vote, a guy named Larry." --Jay Leno
  • "Did you hear that Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are cousins? It's strange, isn't it? In a related story, 20 years ago, it turns out Rudy Giuliani was briefly married to himself. ... Obama and Cheney are actually cousins, but Barack did not inherit the family sneer." --David Letterman
  • "According to a new report by a genealogy company, Barack Obama's great-great-great-grandfather was born in Ireland. Yeah, that should really solidify Obama's support among Irish African-Americans raised in Hawaii." --Conan O'Brien
  • "Senator Barack Obama was in Los Angeles last night for a huge campaign fundraiser. That shows you what a great country this is -- when an African-American with a Kansas mother and a Kenyan father, who spent time growing up in Indonesia and is running for president, spending time in a state where Spanish-speaking people have elected an Austrian governor." --Jay Leno
  • "Senator Obama answered doubts about his inexperience by saying he has gained tremendous insight from his work as a community organizer, civil rights attorney, constitutional law professor, key club president, 4H treasurer, lunch room monitor, two years of jazz, and four years of tap." --Amy Poehler
  • "Barack Obama was in New Hampshire Sunday. When informed of this, President Bush excitedly asked, 'Did we catch 'em?' --Seth Meyers

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