Redneck Crossing

A couple of rednecks are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground and his eyes roll back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, “Help! Help! My friend Bubba is dead! What’ll I do?” The operator, in a calm voice, says, “Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s really dead.”After a brief silence, a shot rings out, then the guy’s voice comes back on the line. “OK, now what?”

An Irishman, a Mexican, and a redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 23rd floor of a building. While they were eating lunch, the Irishman shrieked, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”The Mexican opened his lunchbox and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get Burritos one more time, I’m going to jump, too.”The redneck opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again! If I get a Bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping, too.”The very next day, the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and promptly jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his, sees a Burrito, and jumps too. The redneck opens his lunch box, sees the Bologna and also jumps to his death.At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife cries, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again.”The Mexican’s wife also weeps, and says, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas. I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”Finally, the attentions of all in the room turn toward the redneck’s wife, who protests, “Hey, don’t look at me! That dumbass makes his own lunch.”